Johnson Names Eaton “Assistant To The Captain”

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

Jeff Eaton, who has assisted Captain Dave Johnson for years, gets new official title.

Oh Captain, My (Assistant To The) Captain

April 29, 2012
Team 98 Captain Dave Johnson announced this morning that he has named Jeff Eaton to the post of “Assistant To The Captain.” It is the second bit of recognition gained by the ultra-dedicated Eaton, who 2 years ago was given the honor of having the Jeffrey J. Eaton MVP Award bear his name.

It is a great thrill to be named Assistant Captain,” said Eaton. “I look forward to serving Team 98 well in this new capacity.”

Johnson was quick to clarify later today that the position was ‘Assistant To The Captain’ rather than ‘Assistant Captain,’ but noted that “Jeff’s extreme dedication to a 5 day a week practice schedule, professional swing therapy and insistence on keeping up with the latest club technology makes him the perfect selection for this new post.”

When reached for further comment, Eaton noted that the actual position title was merely a matter of interpretation, and noted “I’m taking my appointment as ‘Assistant Captain’ extremely seriously, and look forward to helping our team set a strategy for winning the 2012 Cup.”

Captain Johnson, annoyed somewhat at being asked to comment again on the details of Eaton’s title and position, clarified the difference in titles. “The ‘Assistant Captain’ is definitely responsible for helping me set an overall team strategy. In Jeff’s role as ‘Assistant To The Captain’ he will be tasked with duties such as handing out room assignments, filling the team water bottles and team massages.”

Johnson also confirmed that Jeff Cohen will remain Team 98’s ‘Permanent First Alternate,’ permanently. Cohen could not be reached for comment.